Am I Really Happy Today or Angry?

Today (26/4/09), I don't know is a happy day for me or angry day.

As usual, I work until 4.30pm today. Because of I got club meeting cum celebrating my leo advisor birthday and I also got class gathering, so I can't go home after work.

4.30pm, suddenly rain come. Shoot! How am I going to take bus to Leisure Mall? No choice. Got to rush there. Reached. "Ms.A" supposed go look for present for our Leo Advisor first before I reached. When I reached she only tell me that she forgot to bring money out and haven't go look for anything yet. Damm~. I don't know feel funny or angry. She know that we got to rush to the place at 5pm. Some more she makes the things until 6pm only reached the place. Make all the people there wait for us. I was very sorry to them. Coz I'm the one who ask the meeting to held it early.

During the meeting, I inform my leo advisor that I'll be taking long break. Means that I won't be very active for one year in club. Everyone heard it and ask why. What I can answer is "nothing" "secret". "Ms.A" pula ask me "do I know what is your reason?" I just answer "No and I'm not going to tell you". Then she sangat mahu muka. And said you don't tell me I also know la. Haih~ I don't care what she think la.

Then best friend of mine "Mr.A" said "later you tell me ar" then I said, "I told you already ma". Then he said oh is it? I know this best friend of mine very forgetful. So, I don't mind.

After the meeting, I got to rush to the gathering. I felt so sorry again because I got to rush over, and I didn't even said goodbye to my friends and listen to them.

Although in the whole meeting I also got laugh, but I really don't know is out from the heart not.

Rush to class gathering. No feeling at all. Just feel that I'm back to those days. Those happy days in secondary school.

I heard a lot of advice from one of my friend back to part time studies. But, what I think that, different people, different attitude and thinking. So, some I agree and some disagree. But, I'm still don't know who am I actually nowadays. Am I Tammy?

I'm Changing

This few days I was thinking something about myself. I felt that I'm changing. From like to laugh to seldom laugh. From a very talkative person to seldom talk person. And also from like to talk to people become don't like.

I have club meeting this few months as usual. During this month I can't attend because I'm having exam. And a lot's of problem I want to settle become I got to ask my best friend to help to settle. But, after this month I don't really want to attend any meeting. Because I don't feel like going. Some people will ask me why. I also don't know. Just think that I'm tired. I really need a break. And I wish to stay at home more than going out.

I really don't know what happen to myself? I missed the days that I laugh as much as I can, talk as much as I can and chat with friends as much as I can. But now, except I wish to talk to my god brother "Kevin" and my best friend "Mr.A", I don't feel like want to talk with anyone. I understand that both of them also busy with their own things sometimes, so I also seldom disturb them. Some more brother is at Suzhou working, next year only back. Left "Mr.A" can talk too. But, I seldom and don't wish to disturb him. Coz he busy than me.

I don't feel like talk to my family about my problem. I know what they will said. Sometimes I'll cry during midnight when everyone slept. Because that time is the best time for me to express my feelings. Nobody know what I'm doing. I really don't know what way I can use except cry out as much as I can. I really feel that very hard to express my feelings although sometimes I can talk to "Kevin" and "Mr.A". Just don't know how to tell them what I feel. Sometimes I even change topic or become speechless. Coz I also don't know what happen to myself. I feel lost.

Those people I don't like them I wish I can tell them so they know what's their problem is. But, I don't know why I didn't tell. I think I'm too good. I don't wish to hurt anyone of them. Even I don't wish to received any phone calls except "Kevin" and "Mr.A". I feel that its very noisy. I need a quiet place to cool down.

Laugh also not from the heart. All is pretend out. Days before now I laugh out from heart. But now...

Since when I changed? Why I'll become like that? I wish I can back to those happy days. I missed my secondary school life. I missed my college friends and lecturers and my colleague in Elken. I really missed those days with them.

I just hope that I can graduate from the Uni faster. I feel so stress. Uni life really different from college. Although this is the experience that everyone will go through.

Haih~

Tired week

This week is the most tired week I'm having. Why I said that? I also don't know why. Just feel that not enough sleep and can't sleep at night. When slept, nightmare come. I dream of my exam whole night. The formula, the steps how to answer the question. All about exam. Its makes me can't really sleep at all. What week is this?