My nightmare that I expected coming soon... What nightmare some people ask me. Is regarding my club. Election done. Ms. A became President of this coming term. Why I said its a nightmare? Because Ms. A weak on everything. English, computer. Whatever she want to do also ask me to help.
That day our Advisor, Ms. B ask our IPP Mr. A to give Ms. A a training. Let her to handle the meeting. But, Ms. A keep on ask me this and that. Shoot la! 1st time already like this, I can't inmagine when her term come how.
I already told her that I won't be available for 1 year. And I won't involve anything about club meeting and activities. But, she keep on say you can't leave me alone. What the... Don't she think that I got my own things to busy with? She think I 24 hours free? If she think that she can't take the post, please reject la... Why take up? Haih~
Yesterday (1/5) She called me. She told me that our Advisor called her inform her that Mr. B, will be coming back to club. Who is Mr. B? This Mr. B is a very bad person. A person our club people don't like the most. Than I ask her, why you tell me? I'm not the Board of Directors. I'm just a normal member la.
What should I do now? I don't wish she keep on call me and ask about club things. Who can give me advice what should I do?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Death and Virus
Yesterday (30/4), my bos's mother (CMSB - my part time job company) had passed away. When I heard it, I was felt sad, and think nonsense again.
Everyone will go through this process (born, old, sick and death). In my opinion, in this four categories, the most scary category is death. Why I say so? Because once a person pass away especially our most dearest family members or friends, we will feel very very sad.
The most scary part is when we got to face our own times come. This is the part that I don't even dare to face it. I felt it is very scary. After pass away, I don't know where am I will be. How many people will feel sad. Is my body going to burn or what? Really scary.
That's one more things that even make me feel more scary. That's is when one day, my parents leave me. How am I going to face it? I really scared. Without them, I feel lonely, scared. Now, although I make use of everytime, minutes and hour with them. But, I really don't wish it will happen. I don't know whether I can accept it not.
Nowadays, there's a virus called swine flu, is really scary virus. Its makes me don't dare to go anywhere. Just stay at home. I felt is more safer if I don't go out often. But, I still got to go Uni. Huh~ so scary...
Everyone will go through this process (born, old, sick and death). In my opinion, in this four categories, the most scary category is death. Why I say so? Because once a person pass away especially our most dearest family members or friends, we will feel very very sad.
The most scary part is when we got to face our own times come. This is the part that I don't even dare to face it. I felt it is very scary. After pass away, I don't know where am I will be. How many people will feel sad. Is my body going to burn or what? Really scary.
That's one more things that even make me feel more scary. That's is when one day, my parents leave me. How am I going to face it? I really scared. Without them, I feel lonely, scared. Now, although I make use of everytime, minutes and hour with them. But, I really don't wish it will happen. I don't know whether I can accept it not.
Nowadays, there's a virus called swine flu, is really scary virus. Its makes me don't dare to go anywhere. Just stay at home. I felt is more safer if I don't go out often. But, I still got to go Uni. Huh~ so scary...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Am I Really Happy Today or Angry?
Today (26/4/09), I don't know is a happy day for me or angry day.
As usual, I work until 4.30pm today. Because of I got club meeting cum celebrating my leo advisor birthday and I also got class gathering, so I can't go home after work.
4.30pm, suddenly rain come. Shoot! How am I going to take bus to Leisure Mall? No choice. Got to rush there. Reached. "Ms.A" supposed go look for present for our Leo Advisor first before I reached. When I reached she only tell me that she forgot to bring money out and haven't go look for anything yet. Damm~. I don't know feel funny or angry. She know that we got to rush to the place at 5pm. Some more she makes the things until 6pm only reached the place. Make all the people there wait for us. I was very sorry to them. Coz I'm the one who ask the meeting to held it early.
During the meeting, I inform my leo advisor that I'll be taking long break. Means that I won't be very active for one year in club. Everyone heard it and ask why. What I can answer is "nothing" "secret". "Ms.A" pula ask me "do I know what is your reason?" I just answer "No and I'm not going to tell you". Then she sangat mahu muka. And said you don't tell me I also know la. Haih~ I don't care what she think la.
Then best friend of mine "Mr.A" said "later you tell me ar" then I said, "I told you already ma". Then he said oh is it? I know this best friend of mine very forgetful. So, I don't mind.
After the meeting, I got to rush to the gathering. I felt so sorry again because I got to rush over, and I didn't even said goodbye to my friends and listen to them.
Although in the whole meeting I also got laugh, but I really don't know is out from the heart not.
Rush to class gathering. No feeling at all. Just feel that I'm back to those days. Those happy days in secondary school.
I heard a lot of advice from one of my friend back to part time studies. But, what I think that, different people, different attitude and thinking. So, some I agree and some disagree. But, I'm still don't know who am I actually nowadays. Am I Tammy?
As usual, I work until 4.30pm today. Because of I got club meeting cum celebrating my leo advisor birthday and I also got class gathering, so I can't go home after work.
4.30pm, suddenly rain come. Shoot! How am I going to take bus to Leisure Mall? No choice. Got to rush there. Reached. "Ms.A" supposed go look for present for our Leo Advisor first before I reached. When I reached she only tell me that she forgot to bring money out and haven't go look for anything yet. Damm~. I don't know feel funny or angry. She know that we got to rush to the place at 5pm. Some more she makes the things until 6pm only reached the place. Make all the people there wait for us. I was very sorry to them. Coz I'm the one who ask the meeting to held it early.
During the meeting, I inform my leo advisor that I'll be taking long break. Means that I won't be very active for one year in club. Everyone heard it and ask why. What I can answer is "nothing" "secret". "Ms.A" pula ask me "do I know what is your reason?" I just answer "No and I'm not going to tell you". Then she sangat mahu muka. And said you don't tell me I also know la. Haih~ I don't care what she think la.
Then best friend of mine "Mr.A" said "later you tell me ar" then I said, "I told you already ma". Then he said oh is it? I know this best friend of mine very forgetful. So, I don't mind.
After the meeting, I got to rush to the gathering. I felt so sorry again because I got to rush over, and I didn't even said goodbye to my friends and listen to them.
Although in the whole meeting I also got laugh, but I really don't know is out from the heart not.
Rush to class gathering. No feeling at all. Just feel that I'm back to those days. Those happy days in secondary school.
I heard a lot of advice from one of my friend back to part time studies. But, what I think that, different people, different attitude and thinking. So, some I agree and some disagree. But, I'm still don't know who am I actually nowadays. Am I Tammy?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I'm Changing
This few days I was thinking something about myself. I felt that I'm changing. From like to laugh to seldom laugh. From a very talkative person to seldom talk person. And also from like to talk to people become don't like.
I have club meeting this few months as usual. During this month I can't attend because I'm having exam. And a lot's of problem I want to settle become I got to ask my best friend to help to settle. But, after this month I don't really want to attend any meeting. Because I don't feel like going. Some people will ask me why. I also don't know. Just think that I'm tired. I really need a break. And I wish to stay at home more than going out.
I really don't know what happen to myself? I missed the days that I laugh as much as I can, talk as much as I can and chat with friends as much as I can. But now, except I wish to talk to my god brother "Kevin" and my best friend "Mr.A", I don't feel like want to talk with anyone. I understand that both of them also busy with their own things sometimes, so I also seldom disturb them. Some more brother is at Suzhou working, next year only back. Left "Mr.A" can talk too. But, I seldom and don't wish to disturb him. Coz he busy than me.
I don't feel like talk to my family about my problem. I know what they will said. Sometimes I'll cry during midnight when everyone slept. Because that time is the best time for me to express my feelings. Nobody know what I'm doing. I really don't know what way I can use except cry out as much as I can. I really feel that very hard to express my feelings although sometimes I can talk to "Kevin" and "Mr.A". Just don't know how to tell them what I feel. Sometimes I even change topic or become speechless. Coz I also don't know what happen to myself. I feel lost.
Those people I don't like them I wish I can tell them so they know what's their problem is. But, I don't know why I didn't tell. I think I'm too good. I don't wish to hurt anyone of them. Even I don't wish to received any phone calls except "Kevin" and "Mr.A". I feel that its very noisy. I need a quiet place to cool down.
Laugh also not from the heart. All is pretend out. Days before now I laugh out from heart. But now...
Since when I changed? Why I'll become like that? I wish I can back to those happy days. I missed my secondary school life. I missed my college friends and lecturers and my colleague in Elken. I really missed those days with them.
I just hope that I can graduate from the Uni faster. I feel so stress. Uni life really different from college. Although this is the experience that everyone will go through.
Haih~
I have club meeting this few months as usual. During this month I can't attend because I'm having exam. And a lot's of problem I want to settle become I got to ask my best friend to help to settle. But, after this month I don't really want to attend any meeting. Because I don't feel like going. Some people will ask me why. I also don't know. Just think that I'm tired. I really need a break. And I wish to stay at home more than going out.
I really don't know what happen to myself? I missed the days that I laugh as much as I can, talk as much as I can and chat with friends as much as I can. But now, except I wish to talk to my god brother "Kevin" and my best friend "Mr.A", I don't feel like want to talk with anyone. I understand that both of them also busy with their own things sometimes, so I also seldom disturb them. Some more brother is at Suzhou working, next year only back. Left "Mr.A" can talk too. But, I seldom and don't wish to disturb him. Coz he busy than me.
I don't feel like talk to my family about my problem. I know what they will said. Sometimes I'll cry during midnight when everyone slept. Because that time is the best time for me to express my feelings. Nobody know what I'm doing. I really don't know what way I can use except cry out as much as I can. I really feel that very hard to express my feelings although sometimes I can talk to "Kevin" and "Mr.A". Just don't know how to tell them what I feel. Sometimes I even change topic or become speechless. Coz I also don't know what happen to myself. I feel lost.
Those people I don't like them I wish I can tell them so they know what's their problem is. But, I don't know why I didn't tell. I think I'm too good. I don't wish to hurt anyone of them. Even I don't wish to received any phone calls except "Kevin" and "Mr.A". I feel that its very noisy. I need a quiet place to cool down.
Laugh also not from the heart. All is pretend out. Days before now I laugh out from heart. But now...
Since when I changed? Why I'll become like that? I wish I can back to those happy days. I missed my secondary school life. I missed my college friends and lecturers and my colleague in Elken. I really missed those days with them.
I just hope that I can graduate from the Uni faster. I feel so stress. Uni life really different from college. Although this is the experience that everyone will go through.
Haih~
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Tired week
This week is the most tired week I'm having. Why I said that? I also don't know why. Just feel that not enough sleep and can't sleep at night. When slept, nightmare come. I dream of my exam whole night. The formula, the steps how to answer the question. All about exam. Its makes me can't really sleep at all. What week is this?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Why? Tell me why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why this world is so unfair? Why a good person always "dibuli"? Why a bad person always "tidak dibuli"? Is it really good to become a bad person rather than a good person?
I really can't become a bad person. I can't do it. I always told myself not to be so good & kind. But in the end, failed. I really felt tired. What should I do? How can I solve this problem? Help.... I really need some advice from others...
I really can't become a bad person. I can't do it. I always told myself not to be so good & kind. But in the end, failed. I really felt tired. What should I do? How can I solve this problem? Help.... I really need some advice from others...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
University Life
Is all the university life like this? Study & stress like hell? I really don't know when can I stand for it until. I really really really have no idea. Who can help me? Stress up when think that a lot of assignment & coursework got to do. Some more got to prepare for midterm & final, sometimes got presentation & quiz also.
The most worry things that we students in this University is about the calculation marks procedure in final exam. Its really makes all of us worry, scared & stress up when come to final. Coz the calculation procedure was different with others college. If we can't get half from the total, we will deduct 40% from the total we got.
Although I really enjoy with my new friends there. But still will feel that I'll be crazy soon. Sad Sad~
The most worry things that we students in this University is about the calculation marks procedure in final exam. Its really makes all of us worry, scared & stress up when come to final. Coz the calculation procedure was different with others college. If we can't get half from the total, we will deduct 40% from the total we got.
Although I really enjoy with my new friends there. But still will feel that I'll be crazy soon. Sad Sad~
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