I'm Changing

This few days I was thinking something about myself. I felt that I'm changing. From like to laugh to seldom laugh. From a very talkative person to seldom talk person. And also from like to talk to people become don't like.

I have club meeting this few months as usual. During this month I can't attend because I'm having exam. And a lot's of problem I want to settle become I got to ask my best friend to help to settle. But, after this month I don't really want to attend any meeting. Because I don't feel like going. Some people will ask me why. I also don't know. Just think that I'm tired. I really need a break. And I wish to stay at home more than going out.

I really don't know what happen to myself? I missed the days that I laugh as much as I can, talk as much as I can and chat with friends as much as I can. But now, except I wish to talk to my god brother "Kevin" and my best friend "Mr.A", I don't feel like want to talk with anyone. I understand that both of them also busy with their own things sometimes, so I also seldom disturb them. Some more brother is at Suzhou working, next year only back. Left "Mr.A" can talk too. But, I seldom and don't wish to disturb him. Coz he busy than me.

I don't feel like talk to my family about my problem. I know what they will said. Sometimes I'll cry during midnight when everyone slept. Because that time is the best time for me to express my feelings. Nobody know what I'm doing. I really don't know what way I can use except cry out as much as I can. I really feel that very hard to express my feelings although sometimes I can talk to "Kevin" and "Mr.A". Just don't know how to tell them what I feel. Sometimes I even change topic or become speechless. Coz I also don't know what happen to myself. I feel lost.

Those people I don't like them I wish I can tell them so they know what's their problem is. But, I don't know why I didn't tell. I think I'm too good. I don't wish to hurt anyone of them. Even I don't wish to received any phone calls except "Kevin" and "Mr.A". I feel that its very noisy. I need a quiet place to cool down.

Laugh also not from the heart. All is pretend out. Days before now I laugh out from heart. But now...

Since when I changed? Why I'll become like that? I wish I can back to those happy days. I missed my secondary school life. I missed my college friends and lecturers and my colleague in Elken. I really missed those days with them.

I just hope that I can graduate from the Uni faster. I feel so stress. Uni life really different from college. Although this is the experience that everyone will go through.

Haih~